We are living in one of the most politically divisive times our country has ever seen. Coming off the heels of one of the most controversial presidents ever only to see him replaced by yet another problematic, aging, straight, white man. This has become a trend in this country and things need to change. But rest easy, I have found the solution to our problems. To truly improve our country, we need to replace our current politicians with Muppets.
The country is divided. We can’t agree on anything including the basic right to marry who we want. The lines between church and state blur more and more every day, and women’s rights continue to face threats and move backwards. So, why not put someone in power who chooses to let kindness lead their life rather than their own religion or personal biases.
Starting at the very top, with President Kermit T. Frog. Kermit’s first national appearance was on a Washington, D.C.-based children’s show, meaning he has almost 70 years of D.C. experience. Despite his advanced age, Kermit has never lost touch with the youth of today. Unlike most current political figures, Kermit hasn’t forgotten that the youth are the future of this country and has always sought to improve their lives rather than create a mess for them to clean up when he retires or dies and it’s no longer his problem – an attitude so many others have sadly seemed to adopt.
But you know what they say, behind every great man is an even greater pig. First lady Pigathius Lee has been a beauty queen, actress, singer and American favorite for almost as long as her better half has been around. First ladies have led some amazing campaigns for change in our country, from drug abuse to eating healthier to discouraging cyberbullying despite being married to a man who used Twitter as his personal void of insults. I believe Ms. Piggy would take her place appropriately in these ranks, because there’s nothing she can’t do when she sets her mind to it.
Of course, any good president needs a cabinet that will support him yet maintain a strong personal identity and obligation to the people, so they don’t blindly follow the preachings of those in power.
I believe Scooter would make a great vice president for Kermit as he has spent many years assisting the frog with his career. He clearly has great loyalty to Kermit and their aligned wholesome ideals assure there wouldn’t be a rift between the former cooperators that would result in death threats like we had seen with former Vice President Pence.
Elmo seems fitting for Secretary of Education. He has always sought to teach the youth of America despite his terrible grammar, though he often makes more sense than many other politicians at any given press conference.
Doctor Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker would make great co-secretaries of energy. Their devotion to science gives me confidence that with enough time and resources they could make incredible strides in renewable energy without just talking about how serious it is and secretly taking money from big oil companies.
Our country has continuously faced homelessness issues that have only increased with the pandemic. Birds are incredibly resourceful animals, known to make houses out of literally anything. Therefore, Big Bird seems most qualified for the position of Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. His resourcefulness combined with his kindness would ensure he would work to solve homelessness rather than pushing them out of public areas and hoping someone else deals with it.
The list goes on and on, Secretary of Defense Sam Eagle, Secretary of Agriculture Camilla the chicken, Press Secretary Gonzo, the point is our system is broken. We keep trying to vote and make things better, but we continue to move backwards, take away rights and see gun violence every day. It’s clear now that humans are too selfish, misguided and have no place in politics.
We need someone who will actually care. Someone kind who will remember younger generations and fight to improve the lives of those who will come after them rather than just their own or their friends. Someone who won’t let their personal or religious beliefs influence their decisions over people with differing or even opposing beliefs. We need felt.
Tracy Mullinax can be reached at [email protected]
Amy
About time!