Underneath senior linebacker Kaden Elliss’s worn gray sweatband is a blue bracelet that reads ‘Hilinski’s Hope’ in Washington State crimson.
The band has been on Elliss’s wrist for the past week since Mark Hilinski spoke to the Idaho football team Oct. 1.
“I like it actually, a lot,” Elliss said of the wrist band. “I never thought I would wear something that had red or anything to do with Washington State, but this has a lot to do with a lot more than that and a lot more important than football and schools. It is a good reminder.”
Hilinski, the father of the late WSU quarterback Tyler Hilinski, spoke to the team after several months of back-and-forth correspondence with Idaho Head Coach Paul Petrino.
Petrino said he reached out to the Hilinski family shortly after Tyler’s suicide Jan. 16. What started with a hand-written letter from Petrino transitioned into email, texts, several phone calls and a visit from Hilinski to speak with the athletes.
“I just reached out to him and let him know that we were thinking about him and praying for him and asking him for any advice, any way I can do a better job as a coach and any way I can help people better,” Petrino said. Hilinski spoke with the team for nearly an hour with Lori Bobo, a local counselor, ahead of the team’s practice, sharing stories of his son and advice as to how the athletes and coaches can support one another when it comes to mental health.
“One of his biggest messages was really be there for each other — be there for your teammates,” Petrino said. “He told our team at the end he likes the number three, that is what his son wore, and he said everyone should call up three people and tell them how much you care about them and that you are there for them. Maybe one of those guys doesn’t necessarily need it, but it is better to do it if they don’t need it than to not do it if they do need it.”
Mark Hilinski poses with Idaho Head Coach Paul Petrino and mental health professional Lori Bobo. Courtesy | Idaho Athletics
The student-athletes listening to Hilinski speak received his message, Petrino said, all sitting up and focused on his story.
“It was sad, everybody just felt terrible for him and sad,” Petrino said. “There was a lot of teary eyes in the room.” Mental health is not a new conversation among the team or within the athletic department at large. Many student-athletes and coaches participated in QPR — question, persuade, refer — a suicide prevention training program.
It is a conversation Petrino said is of constant relevancy and importance. Outside of technical trainings, Petrino said he wants his athletes to know above all else he and the team are there for those who may need help.
“A lot of times, a coach keeps or loses his job on wins and losses, but that is not what it is all about,” Petrino said. “It is about helping kids grow up, it’s about helping them get through tough times and it’s really about being there for them when they do go through tough times.”
Tyler Hilinski’s suicide prompted talks of mental health and suicide prevention trainings across universities and sports. But the conversation has been taking place within the athletic department long before the WSU quarterback’s suicide. Petrino said mental health has always been on his radar due to personal background and experiences.
These experiences and understanding translates to the team, Elliss said.
“(Petrino), since I’ve been here actually, he has always said, ‘If you need anything, you let me know.’” Elliss said. “He has always been that way since I’ve been here. It is really awesome to see because he cares about us as more than just players.”
Technical trainings, such as QPR, provide a framework for supporting and helping those in need get help, but Elliss said one of the biggest pieces is knowing his teammates and learning to recognize when they are not themselves. Sometimes the best solution is simple, he said.
“Hopefully, that talk does bring up that if anything is ever going on in anybody’s life, reach out. And if something is going on in your life, reach out. I really hope that is something that changes in the culture here,” Elliss said.
More and more athletes from collegiate sports to the pros are discussing their personal battles with mental health. Petrino said he notices a shift in the athlete’s willingness to talk about it and break down the long-standing stigma surrounding the conversation.
“It doesn’t make you not tough, it doesn’t make you not strong,” Petrino said. “And then you just continue to bring it up. Then you always wonder if you are bringing it up enough. But you keep talking about it and keep trying to be close to them and really let them know that you care about them so they feel comfortable coming in and talking to you about it.”
If you or someone you know are having suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255), Idaho Suicide Pre- vention Hotline (1-208-398-4357) or the UI Counseling and Testing Center (1-208-885-6716).
Meredith Spelbring can be reached at [email protected]
This article has been updated from a previous version.