Words aren’t noise — All people are bad at listening, but can be better

Are we really listening? Everyone has something to say, but not everyone wants to hear what other people are saying.

Our brains run on overdrive just to keep up with the pace of modern life, so we get distracted when people talk to us. Our minds wander when a friend tells us a story, we try to multitask during our professors’ lectures and we rarely give anyone our full, undivided attention.

We are preoccupied with our own world, figuring out our problems and thinking about things that make us happy or sad. We could spend an entire day talking about ourselves because it feels good, but we don’t have time to temporarily visit the world of another person when they invite us in — or so we think.

We are bad at listening. But we can be better.

Listening to another human can be an incredibly rewarding experience. We can discover new insights, build deeper connections and learn about the similarities and differences between us.

Sometimes it’s better to say nothing — biting your tongue can be incredibly wise, and there’s a plethora of things that are better left unsaid. But listening is always good. You can’t really go wrong if you’re listening. You can talk too much, but you can’t really listen too much.

Hearing isn’t the same as listening. Hearing is the act of perceiving sound. Listening is something you consciously choose to do. Listening requires concentration and attentiveness to process and understand the meaning of the words and expressions being conveyed by the person talking. It demands the undivided attention of the listener in order to be effective.

Listening is profound. It is the foundation for connection, it allows relationships to flourish and friendships to blossom. In the simplicity of listening, empathy is established and acceptance is communicated.

There are two components of good listening: focus and presence. A good way to accomplish both is to maintain eye contact with the other person. This communicates your attention and allows you to focus completely on the person you’re communicating with. After getting used to staring into people’s eyes, it becomes a pleasant experience, and any initial awkwardness soon fades.

When participating in a conversation, show more than you tell. Show the other person you are listening with your body language — face toward them and be open. Nod your head and let your natural expressions communicate that you’re present in that moment.

You don’t have to speak verbal ques every few seconds to show that you’re listening. Listening requires effort and interest — it won’t happen if you aren’t trying. Being genuinely interested in hearing what someone has to say is probably one of the nicest things you can do for someone.

Listening isn’t always easy, especially if you’re listening to someone talk about a topic or story that is completely uninteresting to you — but the long-term benefits heavily outweigh the short-term discomfort. Challenge yourself to notice your listening habits this week and make an effort to listen better. By listening, you show that you care.

Andrew Brand can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @theandrewbrand

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