Not everyone goes about with love in their eyes and gushy romantic music blasting through their iPod on Valentine’s Day. This playlist is for those who ditch the disgusting amounts of chocolate and cheesiness of red roses for a few good anti-love songs.
™She Hates Me∫ by Puddle of Mud
Classic. Greasy blonde hair, saggy jeans, pyrotechnics-on-the-football-field. This song goes down in good relationship gone bad history, because it really simply tells it like it is. Sometimes, the girl just “fucking hates (you).”
™I’m the Man Who Murdered Love∫ by XTC
While this song sounds like a hoppin’ ‘50s classic, it’s actually talking about a guy who brutally murdered the original love doctor himself, that weird baby-thing named Cupid. It’s great.
™If You Love Somebody (Better Set Them On Fire)∫ by Dead Milkmen
These fellas are a great combination of classic punk band Rancid with the drooly vocal drawl of The Ramones, especially in this tune about getting your “pyromaniac” on all over your significant other. Well, we don’t’ condone such behavior, but hide your matches just in case.
™I Hate Myself For Loving You∫ by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Sometimes, you really crush on someone. Sometimes, you really crush on them really hard, even if you don’t want to. And that sucks. But guess what — here’s your new theme song. Enjoy.
™I Used To Love Her (But I Had To Kill Her)∫ by Guns N’ Roses
Just look at that song title. Does this need a description? Go listen and find out.
™What Were You Expecting∫ by Halestorm
In this head-bang worthy song, front woman Lzzy Hale basically punches the face of the stereotypical girl who hangs on every word of her guy. With each lyric, Hale is basically all like, “Um, yeah. K, bye loser. Time for you to get over how hot I am.”
™Big Pink Cake∫ by the Razorcuts
Probably the funniest anti-love song ever — boy makes big pink cake. Girl doesn’t return love. Boy wishes he would have pushed big pink cake right into her face, resulting in frosting all over her schnozz. And then, the jangliest guitar solo ever. It’s pretty good, or at least, pretty confusing.
™Love Is A Battlefield∫ by Pat Benatar
This girl has it right — love is no easy walk in the park. And for those of us out there who don’t like to walk anyway, there’s always some fun stuff on YouTube.
Chloe Rambo can be reached at email@example.com