More often than not, college students are on their own for the first time and are trying to figure out who they are and how to behave in society. This can result in behaviors related to sexism, homophobia and racism. As a freshman who had never been on their own before, I was excited to experience college and all it had to offer. I did not realize the experience would also entail being barked at by fraternity members in the back of their pick-up truck, getting pushed off the sidewalk by guys who didn’t want to give up their ground, having my personal space be violated because the man seated next to me wanted more room, or being seen as less capable than I am.
When I thought about it, I often attributed those behaviors to “toxic masculinity”: male-identifying people feeling they must behave in a certain way to be accepted by society. After speaking with Dianne Baumann, University of Idaho assistant professor of the Department of Culture, Society and Justice, I’ve come to realize that term isn’t accurate at all; toxic masculinity is a horrible phrase. “Masculinity and femininity isn’t toxic,” Baumann said. We should instead be referring to this behavior as “toxic gendering.”
This encompasses the root of the problem: society forcing gender stereotypes based on patriarchal ideals.
“Gender in general feels toxic,” Baumann said. Who are we to gender someone, and then proceed to tell them how that gender behaves? The phrase “toxic masculinity,” and the process of gendering seems more and more like fighting toxicity with toxicity.
It’s that same process that allows sayings like “boys will be boys” to be seen as acceptable, when all it really does is make way for sexism against both men and women to go unchallenged. In order to change this series of events, we all need to take responsibility and hold each other accountable. When interacting with friends, family members and strangers we need to be conscious of our language and actions.
“Be a man” or “man up” should be confronted with, “what does it mean to be a man?” Not to antagonize, but as a genuine question. What has society told us a man must be? What is a man truly? We also need to recognize gendering, whether it is intentional or unintentional, in our conversations.
After speaking with Baumann I am eager to attend mixed-group conversations and hold my own. These conversations are the very thing that will go on to help solve the issue of toxic gendering, sexism and stereotyping. By including male-identifying people, female-identifying people and those who don’t identify as either, we will be able to understand what we as a community must do to lift each other up.
We should also remember that this is an issue that must be solved by all parties, not just women and not just men. The patriarchy impacts everyone and the feminist movement has excluded men from the conversation for a very long time. How are we to solve these issues if we refuse to acknowledge all parties involved? For it is only after we make this acknowledgment that we will be able to start recognizing the toxicity created by the patriarchy and begin to create real change within our communities.
Mackenzie Davidson can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @mackenzie_films