Tackling the importance of consent and respect within sexual relationships, Yarit Rodriguez spoke to Latinx University of Idaho students this Tuesday. The event was hosted by the UI Office of Multicultural Affairs, Women’s Center and College Assistance Migrant Program, aligning with Latinx Heritage Month.
Rodriguez has several years of experience working with nonprofits that allowed them to interact and help Latinx and LBGTQ+ people.
Under the title of “Los Que Tus Padres No Te Dijeron,” or the rough translation of “What Your Parents Didn’t Tell You,” Rodriguez’s talk pulled from their personal experience.
“I never had these conversations with my family,” Rodriguez said.
When it came to sexual health and the deeper discussion of intimacy, it was nonexistent at home.
“My mom talked to me about credit before she talked to me about sexual health or relationships,” Rodriguez said.
When they were younger, Rodriguez felt uncomfortable just uttering the word ‘sexual.’
Now, they have learned more and have perpetuated an open dialogue, advising on what a healthy relationship looks like.
In their time running group discussions and addressing individual’s relationship problems, Rodriguez has noted a concerning yet common trend.
“A lot of the times people say ‘my partner didn’t respect my boundaries,’” Rodriguez said. “When we’re in relationships, especially romantic, we think we owe them something.”
It served as a reminder to participants— you can say no.
“There’s more folks out there that will care for you and will respect you,” Rodriguez emphasized.
When dealing with a friend in a toxic or dangerous relationship, Rodriguez recommends not being negative about their partner.
“That can make them shut down,” Rodriguez said.
Instead, offering support and speaking less directly, in a private setting, lets the person know they have a place to go if they ever need it.
Rodriguez emphasized having an open dialogue with partners, discussing boundaries and safety before having sex.
“If you’re going to share an intimate space like that, it shouldn’t be an awkward conversation,” they said.
While sexually transmitted infections may be associated with sleeping with multiple partners, even those within relationships should continue to get STI tested regularly. The reality is that most infected people do not have any symptoms and can have one for years without knowing, according to Planned Parenthood.
Abstinence is a choice Rodriguez validated as well, as someone shouldn’t feel pressured before they are ready.
In the discussion of consent, Rodriguez described it as an agreement that can change, whether in a sexual context or otherwise.
“You never know people and their comfort level,” Rodriguez said. “No one should feel they can’t speak up for themselves.”
Watching body language, checking in and being present enough to read your partner are all a part of practicing consent. Healthy boundaries are also important in relationships, romantic or otherwise.
“Voicing if you are being disrespected is not a bad thing,” Rodriguez said.
Rodriguez has heard negative criticisms from friends based on how they dress. On days they had dressed more feminine, rude comments ensued. It took them time to realize that the people closest to them shouldn’t be the ones making these comments.
In order to cope with past trauma and current issues, Rodriguez spoke on the importance of therapy, even when it is looked down upon.
Rodriguez had to get comfortable with their therapist and familiar with how a session typically goes. They reached out and looked for a therapist who could speak Spanish, something they felt was necessary to properly express emotions. This process is something Rodriguez found worthwhile.
“It is there to be used as a tool,” Rodriguez said. “Going to therapy and talking it out really helps. I feel lighter afterwards.”
Haadiya Tariq can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @haadiyatariq