I love telemarketers. I always have and I always will. There is something tremendously whimsical about a stranger selling you a scam.
I understand that a repetitive phone call from a man you can’t quite understand may be annoying. If they catch you in the wrong mood or doing something really important, it’s justifiable to be clearly upset. However, I implore you to take a grander look.
Oh, what car do I have? A 2019 Lamborghini Huracan. How many miles do I have on it? A mere 10,000—I barely just rolled it off the lot. Do I need car insurance? You betcha! How did you know?
Do I want to lower my credit card rates? Of course, I do! How much credit card debt do I have? A measly $1 million—nothing I can’t pay off with time, right? Wait, why did you hang up?
A phone call from a telemarketer gives me a chance to flex my creative muscles. I am whoever I want to be. I have as much money as I want to have. I am as annoying as I possibly can conceive.
Fret not, I don’t mess with telemarketers maliciously. Quite frankly, that would be rude. And a little unnecessary. I like to think it of as a little tug back and forth; locker room talk with the fella across the line.
Despite my best intentions, I have been hung up on. I have even been cussed out. That is terribly ironic that they are upset with me for annoying them. Especially when considering that latest trends indicate telemarketers have increasingly become more annoying in past months.
YouMail Robocall Index reports telemarketer calls going up 12% from the months of September to October. Some can see this as a bad thing. Maybe even something terrible.
This is a blessing, everyone. Do not take it for granted.
Answer that phone call. Tell him how your day was. Go as far as asking them how their day was! If anything, this is a chance to conversate with someone you’ll never know—that sounds like a wonderful opportunity to me.
And hey, don’t feel bad about messing with them afterwards. Those who are good at heart will struggle with this task. I get it, they’re a real person with real feelings. So am I! I just happen to be a person with a new 2019 Lamborghini Huracan and an insurmountable amount of credit card debt!
At least, that’s who I want them to think I am. As far as their concerned, that’s who I’ll always be. To my next victim, I look forward to our enthralling conversation; please don’t hang up on me–I love telemarketers!
Carter Kolpitcke can be reached at [email protected] or @carterkolpitcke on Twitter.