Let’s talk about Christmas. I’m here to tell you why it is the worst holiday ever created. Let’s move right on past the Christian exclusiveness, the mass marketing, the freedom of religion arguments and just get down to the brass tacks of it all. Christmas is the worst because of how obnoxious it is.
First, the music is repetitive. Nothing is original about it. All we get for “new Christmas music” is a coma inducing Michael Buble CD available only at Starbucks or confusingly bad remixes by Snoop Dogg. And why does it need to play everywhere?
Let’s do a little math problem. I have four stops to make before I get home. One at the grocery store, one at the bookstore, one at the post office and one at a gift shop. If I spend 45 minutes at the grocery store, an hour in the bookstore, twenty minutes in at the post office and about an hour in the gift shop, why am I wishing we were required to wear masks and earplugs in public places? The answer is because I probably heard the same three songs by 29 different artists at each location.
Second, why does Christmas last longer than other holidays which are meant to span across days or weeks? Why is it that the Month of Ramadan stays within its allotted 30 days, but Christmas Day seems to go from mid-October to Jan. 15? I shouldn’t have to deal with bad music, tastelessly multi-colored decorations and intensely extra (to the point of actual bullying) Christmas ambassadors for over three months. People shouldn’t have to deal with it for over a month, period.
Moving onto my third point. Why is it so important for Christmas lovers to be validated? What happened to them in their childhood to have such insecure love for their “favorite holiday”? I love Halloween, but guess what, on Nov. 1 I took all my decorations down because I wanted to get a head start on cleaning the house for the week. I also wrote a column in this paper claiming spooky season was beginning, for me, in September. But I included that if Halloween wasn’t your thing that you were totally valid and that if you left me alone to enjoy my holiday, I’d not force the spooky times upon you.
Unlike many Christmas enthusiasts, I am confident enough in my celebrations to not beg for more people to participate with me and to not argue with those who are against or just have a “meh” opinion on Halloween.
If Christmas lovers would please stop asking me why I don’t like Christmas I wouldn’t have to keep making up dumb reasons on the spot that will ultimately offend them. I just don’t like it. Although I have found some exceptionally valid reasons to not like it, as I have mentioned a few above, I originally just never really got excited about Christmas even as a kid. But maybe if people who love Christmas so much would have just left me alone politely after learning this I would most likely have remained indifferent to the holiday.
So please, just shut up about Christmas. We get it. There’s snow, and gifts, and music, and food, and family, and bad movies, and good movies, but seriously just leave it be for a bit. It’s obnoxious. It’s everywhere. The symbolism and customs of Christmas are everywhere.
There has been no war on Christmas, even though people like to complain there is. I can’t believe I am saying this, but… I agree with Melania Trump when she says she doesn’t like Christmas.
Rebecca Pratt can be reached at [email protected].