Coned: A disappointment

Coned: The pizza place students on campus have been talking about for weeks. I asked myself how do they create pizza in a cone? What’s so special about it? Is there an even distribution of cheese and meat?

Saturday night I got the answers to this madness. At 11:30 p.m. I walked across the crosswalk with my friends to the Corner Club. It was dark, and no one was standing outside this shack of a food truck.

I prepared myself for numerous options. I was ready for my decision to be difficult, but when I looked at the menu it took seconds. My only options were cheese, pepperoni and meat lovers. I stood there and thought to myself, “I really don’t want pizza anymore.” But I had to try this food truck that students were deeming better than Grub Truck. I had to get the answers.

Why is this food truck considered so godly?

I debated between getting cheese and pepperoni. Normally, pepperoni is my go-to if it isn’t some fancy ultimate pizza, and I figured it was a safe bet.

The service was fast.

But the cone, wasn’t worth the fast service.

The cone was weird. When I took the first bite of the cone shaped pizza, my brain had alarms going off telling me to evacuate. This felt wrong. Why eat a cone shaped pizza when we can just have it normally? I gave it another bite. I tried to get past it, but it was hard. I kept gnawing on the pizza, and once I realized the pepperoni was stacked like a never-ending tower, eating the whole thing didn’t seem possible.

How could too much pepperoni exist? I never thought it was possible. But there I was, faced with an impossibly greasy stack of meat. Pizza cone, please have mercy on my soul and arteries.  

The odds added up too quickly. It became too much. I couldn’t eat all of it; I never even finished the pizza cone.

Coned was a disappointment, and Moscow has enough pizza shops already between Gambinos, Dominoes, Pizza Perfection, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns and Mod Pizza.

And in that list, I’d have to say Mod Pizza is the best.

Next time I want pizza, I am not waiting until after 11 p.m. to get my fix. Instead, another pizza establishment will get my patronage during regular dining hours.

Maybe when they get a menu with a bigger variety it’ll be different, but for now I don’t think I will be going back.

Lindsay Trombly can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @lindsay_trombly.