People throw the word ‘passion’ around constantly. It makes sense — emotions are powerful and people love with a strength difficult to communicate.
I’m not sure I have the words to communicate the intensity of passion, either, partially because the word hits particularly close to home.
I have spent my entire life attempting to find what makes my heart sing. I’ve found many things that ‘spark joy’ — some of my current love affairs include the Mass Effect series and Transformers comics — but I have recently struggled to find a way to express my appreciation for them.
A large part of this struggle has been a reluctance to leave my shell after high school. My high school in the depressingly cloudy and rainy side of Washington had a problem with apathy and teasing among students while I attended.
As a child, I would share what I loved with everyone — I was completely unabashed in my passions and didn’t care what others thought of my interests. To be entirely clear, I had some ‘cringey’ interests then — Homestuck is my best example. Maybe I was teased, but my friend group was completely supportive and made me feel loved so much that I didn’t notice.
When I got to high school, I thought my life would continue as normal. I shared what I loved, but within months of my freshman year, I realized the reactions from some of my new friends weren’t what I expected. My previous friend group was still there, but as time passed people grew apart. My new friends swiftly informed me that my interests weren’t worthy of their time or attention.
This happened with almost everything I love.
Color guard, the sport I have dedicated a significant portion of my life to, was ignored to the point the program was nearly destroyed.
My favorite TV shows and comics were considered uninteresting or cringey. When I found something powerful that I wanted to share with those I found most important, all of the sudden no one wanted to see it.
I felt completely alone.
I chose University of Idaho because I saw myself in the students here. When I researched our school online and visited, I was always greeted with passionate, hard-working people. Vandals love what we do. We forge paths forward, regardless of what people may think of us for doing so.
When I arrived here, I overinvolved myself. I lived in Steel House, the now-defunct women’s co-operative living group. I joined marching band, created a club, joined others and found several jobs. I wanted to find people like me, people who shone so bright with passion that they illuminated the room when they walked in.
And I did.
The people I have met here have helped me ease myself out of the protective shell I created around my heart in high school. I have a voice now. I have a direction. But perhaps most importantly, I have a family and a community that I love with all my heart. I know that if I fall, someone will be there to help me back to my feet.
That’s what I love about the Vandal family. We are mighty, we are passionate, we are brave and we are bold.
To all Vandals out there, new and old, past and future: never lose your passion. Never let anyone take your voice from you. And if you ever feel broken or empty, we are here for you.
Go Vandals.
Lex Miller can be reached at [email protected]