A sesame-flavored comeback

The Panda Express overlords have graced us peasants once again

Courtesy

It was a Tuesday night just like any other. I was steadily wrapping up my midnight deadline assignments and slurping Moscow tap water when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed an email notification appear.

Was it spam? A reminder to clear my Amazon cart or pay my parking ticket? Or maybe something greater?

Max Rothenberg | Argonaut

With bated breath, I clicked on the notification and my night did a 180.

The email was simple — a statement as bold and direct as as the tears that flowed down my face after I first tried “super greens,” the company’s ill-fated vegetable replacement.

“It’s back.”

I blinked twice. Then a few more times. The last time I heard a similar phrase was after Voldemort’s reappearance in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,” and we know how that turned out. Or was it “Order of the Phoenix?”

Honey sesame chicken breast is back, and it’s back today. Apparently due to an abundance of pleas and requests, this esteemed fan favorite is making a triumphant comeback to the menu.

Let’s address a few things.

First and most importantly, I didn’t plead — I’m pretty sure, at least. I would call it more of a beg, or whine as a worst case scenario.

Secondly, props to Panda Express for listening to our “pleas,” if that’s what we must call them. Actions such as these go a long way toward establishing goodwill with customers. To some, it’s just another chicken dish. To me, it’s a way of life.

Lastly, it’s important to reestablish my own goodwill and atone for past sins.

Earlier this year, I compiled a comprehensive rankings list of Panda Express’s various entrees. I’m ashamed to say I ranked honey sesame No. 5. The dish was beaten out by teriyaki chicken, orange chicken, sweetfire chicken and Shanghai angus steak. If I were to remake this list, things would be different.

Maybe I just had something in my eyes at the time and mixed up the numbers — we’ll never know. But, the famous saying holds true.

You never know just how much you need something in your life until it’s gone. For me, that something was honey sesame chicken.

I thought long and hard about this last night. What exactly is so special about this entree? Why am I so excited about this?

My findings were inconclusive, to say the least.

The dish contains peppers and onions, but not much else. The true magic lies deeper — far below a surface level the human eye can dissect. It simply tastes good.

I’m not typically one for apt comparisons, but as Vision says to the last surviving James Spader robot in “Avengers: Age of Ultron,” “A thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts.”

Honey sesame chicken may not be back permanently, but it’s up to each of us to make its limited time on this earth count.

I know I already have.

Max Rothenberg can be reached at [email protected]

2 replies

  1. KS

    @concerned citizen, Honestly I thought the article is top tier, It is both funny and informative. Having known Max for awhile I can vouch for his affinity towards panda. Well done max!

  2. concerned citizen

    Max seeing your consistent joke posts about the MSG filled chain Panda Express seems like a waste of time. With a variety of local food spots that actually offer good food, your insistence on these dumb posts about Panda Express are infuriating. If you are getting a bag for these posts, more power to you. Otherwise, please actually write about something interesting/local food.

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