Horoscopes: May 24, 2016


Gemini 5/21-6/20

It is OK to miss your roommate during the summer, everyone does. However, installing a tracking device in their phone before they left may not have been the best idea.

Cancer 6/21-7/22

Finding a summer job isn”t all that easy. You have to factor in breaks for eating snow cones, going swimming and basking in the sun. On second thought, maybe you should put off the job hunt a little longer.

Leo 7/23-8/22

The stars are telling you to eat more ice cream this week. Make it a personal goal to try every flavor possible within the next seven days.

Virgo 8/23-9/22

Love is in the air this week, and it is swirling around just over Moscow. However, wind directions are never very accurate, just like these horoscopes, so, don”t make any hasty decisions.

Libra 9/23-10/22

Using your downtime this summer to add a little feng shui to your apartment may seem like a fun thing to do. However, rearranging furniture at     3 a.m. just makes your neighbors hate you.

Scorpio 10/23-11/21

Go check inside of your microwave, right now. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don”t.

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21

Spending the summer learning how to cook is a great use of time. But, to actually learn how to cook, you have to buy real food and turn on a real stove instead of binging on “Chopped Kitchen.”

Capricorn 12/22-1/19

Keep your eyes open this week, the love of your life could be just around the corner. Then again, there is a snow cone shack on every corner too. You decide what you love the most.

Aquarius 1/20-2/18

If you are in a pinch for money this week, it may be time to part with your vast collection of Pokemon cards. Break out those bartering skills from the second grade and in no time you will have some fast cash.

Pisces 2/19-3/20

Barbequing during the summer is a must. Just remember to check under the grill hood before firing it up. Moscow squirrels will make a home anywhere.

Aries 3/21-4/19

The stars haven”t really aligned for you this week, but don”t let that get you down. All of your stars have been fired for inaccurate descriptions of your horoscope and new stars will arrive shortly.

Taurus 4/20-5/20

Moscow is a great place to let out your inner artist. Hit the streets and show everyone your interpretive dance to the “Lion King” soundtrack.

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