Jessy Forsmo-Shadid, Jessica Matsaw and Natalie Greenfield may come from different backgrounds, but they have two key characteristics in common – they are all survivors, and they are proud.
The three women came together to share their stories of sexual and domestic abuse at the Sexual Assault Awareness Month keynote event that took place Wednesday in the Whitewater Room of the Idaho Commons. The event, titled “Listen to Me,” was a collaborative effort between the University of Idaho Women”s Center, Vandal Health Education and Alternatives to Violence on the Palouse.
As Forsmo-Shadid stood at the front of the room and opened the event with two spoken-word poetry performances, she voiced a goal that rang true throughout the course of the night.
“My goal: To give people strength, love and courage through my voice,” Forsmo-Shadid said. “I want to let you know I”m not a victim, I am a survivor, just like you.”
Jessica Matsaw, a UI student and member of the Shoshone Bannock tribe, expressed a similar message as she shared the story of reconnecting with her culture after surviving years of domestic abuse.
“I had to reestablish roots with my identity,” Matsaw said. “In a sense, re-teaching my inner child that I have value and a voice.”
In her keynote speech, Greenfield shared the story of her own sexual abuse.
Greenfield said her parents decided to move to Moscow when she was young in order to be closer to the business they owned and the church they attended, Christ Church.
Greenfield said that was where she met her abuser at a church function.
“I was 13, he was 23,” Greenfield said. “For the several months after I met him, he groomed me, so he established a friendship, established trust but with a lot of secrecy.”
Greenfield said it was common culture within the church for families to house UI and New St. Andrews college students. Her parents took in her abuser along with four other students. It wasn”t until her abuser began living with her family that the sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse began.
“It was like this big secret,” Greenfield said. “He kept me where he wanted me by establishing this sense of shame and guilt in me.”
Greenfield said her abuser, who was a ministerial student with Christ Church, moved out after about a year and a half. Although the abuse stopped, Greenfield said she began to develop severe posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety and depression.
When Greenfield finally shared her story at the age of 17, she said her parents were horrified and her abuser was immediately arrested.
After charges were pressed, Greenfield said most of the Christ Church community came to the defense of her abuser. She said the judge also received letters in support of her abuser from the head of Christ Church, Doug Wilson, as well as leaders of Trinity Reform Church.
Greenfield”s abuser was ultimately charged with a felony misdemeanor injury to a child – a much lighter sentence than it initially had been.
Throughout the process, Greenfield said no resources were offered to her. She said the lack of support combined with the efforts of the church to cover up the assault prompted Greenfield to share her stories with others.
As she shared her story, Greenfield began to advocate for this year”s Sexual Assault Awareness Month theme, “Just Listen.”
“One of the biggest things is that we all just as humans have an innate need other than our inherent needs for things like food, water and shelter, we all want to be understood, valued and loved,” Greenfield said. “Part of feeling understood, valued and loved is being listened to. That is a basic human need and that need becomes exaggerated when we experience suffering.”
The basis of compassionate listening is to listen to someone who chooses to share their trauma without judgment.
Beyond that, Greenfield said compassionate listening is something everyone can practice on a daily basis.
“Compassionate listening is something we can all start in our lives right now,” Greenfield said. “Anytime someone wants to be heard, we can practice compassionate listening. If we lay this foundation in our lives, we create a safe space for someone who may be suffering.”
Corrin Bond can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @CorrBond