The generation gap between faculty and students can make it difficult for instructors to connect with their pupils and I really do not understand what is going through the minds of Imperial cadets these days. I remember my days as a youngling. Even though I often disagreed with my masters, I knew how to show them respect.
Sam Balas
Rawr
I may have cut them down in cold blood during my torrid descent to the dark side, but at the very least I knew well enough to not blow flavored smoke out of my mouth every five seconds. Unfortunately, many of the young men and women who will one day be captains of TIE Fighters, Star Destroyers and maybe even the Death Star, have no concept of self-awareness.
The Cadets don”t think about how the smoke from their death sticks bothers my mechanical lungs. Perhaps if they understood what it meant to be empathetic they would realize how difficult it is for me to breath after my former best friend cut off my limbs and left me to die on a volcanic planet.
Every time I see some dumb teenager blow that thick, disgusting vapor out of their mouths it reminds me why I joined the dark side in the first place.
Probably the worst thing about the Jedi Order was how many of those boxes they sucked on constantly. I still remember listening to Master Yoda yap about how “my new MOD, the most dope it is” or “try this new flavor, you must.”
You know why I cut off Master Wendu”s arm? Because I was sick and tired of seeing him take massive drags during every Council meeting. Now that I”m on the correct side of the force, the punishment for looking like an idiot is a lightsaber to the face. Just ask Cadet Roberston, who was caught vaping in “Ion Cannon Targeting 275.” Now, I understand why some might be against my harsh methods. I canan idiot is a lightsaber to the face in the fiPalpatine scream about “liability” and “our skyrocketing insurance premiums” but I swear it”s worth every credit to see these punks get what”s coming to them.
While we are on the topic of vaping, I would like to address an unfortunate rumor I”ve been hearing about me and dispel it once and for all. I am, in fact, not pumping vape smoke into my respirator. Any ideas that I am somehow getting “clam baked” under my helmet is absurd. And I want to officially say that whoever is going around spray painting images of me with vaping paraphernalia with phrases such as “Darth Vapor” is offensive.
I have taken my job as the Emperor”s personal enforcer very seriously in our mutual quest for galaxy-wide domination. Killing rebel scum is both difficult and stressful, I think that in return for my hard work I deserve some respect, or at the very least the chance to not have to breath in your filthy air.
Sam Balas can be reached at [email protected]