Because ‘51 things to do after graduation’ won’t fit on one page
Burn textbooks, papers, notebooks, grad gown and projects
It’s not like you’re ever going to need those chemistry notes for a future in medicine or that research paper on rainforest conservation for a dream job in the Amazon. Hosting a bonfire is a perfect way to throw the last four years down in flames.
Stand on the roof of a campus building and shout, “I’m in debt!”
There is no use denying the thousands of dollars of debt that has accumulated over the last four years. Might as well let the whole world, er … campus, know before you kiss this town goodbye and never look back.
Buy a new car
Nothing says, “I’m an adult with a degree” like a shiny new Lexus you have no way of paying for. But hey, it screams success to all those losers riding around in their parent’s hand-me-down.
Get a tattoo that says, “Got a B.S. in BSing”
Get it right across the collar bone. Or better yet, make it a tramp stamp. Besides, everybody knows you aren’t actually going to get a career in what you got your degree in.
Buy a five-pound bag of jelly beans
The reality is you’re going to need something to binge on while you freak out over rejected job applications and the prospect that you’ll have to go back to school in a few years to get another degree.
Plan a trip to Europe
And then never book it, because there is no way you can afford it. There is no better time to go, since you don’t have a job, a spouse or kids yet, but no worries — there is always time after retirement.
Start a YouTube channel
You may just get lucky enough to become really famous and earn theoretical money, which is good, because it might be the closest you come to success during your lifetime.
Dye your hair gold
Not blonde — gold. Because walking into an interview with gold hair will surely land you the job of your dreams.
Call your mom and cry
Because you have to tell her you are moving in with her for the next two years while you struggle to find a job. You know she’ll be thrilled you are coming home, but that nightmare you’ve had since high school of living in your parent’s basement is finally coming true.
Rob your younger siblings’ sock drawer
They don’t need the money right now anyways.
Create a portfolio
On all the things you’ve failed at up to this point. Because then, when you look at your actual portfolio, it will make you feel so much better about yourself.
Confess your love to “the one with great hair”
You know, the one you sat behind every day in philosophy class. And you didn’t even like philosophy.
Throw a party
Nothing says, “I’ve graduated” like a good party. Even if the only food there is left over granola bars, a medley of chip crumbs and cans of the cheapest beer you can find.
Emily Vaartstra can be reached at [email protected]