| 03.20.2018

Dishing up family drama — The worst things that happen at holiday dinners


Whether it’s a stray gray hair protruding from grandfather’s face or an ultra right-wing uncle preaching about how the South will rise again, there are a number of things that can ruin Holidays in a matter of seconds.

The family politician

Shaner Wellner | Rawr

Shaner Wellner | Rawr

One Holiday-ruining moment is the presence of the one family member who has to make sure you and every person in the room knows where they stand politically. Democrat, Republican or something else, does anyone really care? Some Holiday-goers don’t think the gravy is complete without a healthy dash of their opinion on the Obama presidency or their thoughts on the War In Iraq, but thinking about bloated government bureaucracy and old white people arguing about gun control isn’t what anyone wants to hear about while they’re busy force-feeding themselves turkey.

Chewing sounds from across the room

It’s cruel to suggest that listening to an elderly person chew with dentures is annoying. Unfortunately, it is incredibly annoying. The same concept applies to people who chew loudly, people who chew with their mouths open or people who let their teeth tap against their forks every time they take a bite. Listening to someone shove a piece of turkey into their mouth and then having to hear their teeth break it down into an amorphous amalgamated chunk of mush and saliva is gag inducing and disgusting. You might not want to say anything, but you’re definitely thinking about it.

Getting asked about your future

Anyone showing up at home for the first time since classes started is suddenly bombarded with questions from Aunt Cindy about what they’re majoring in and what they’re going to do with it. Better yet, college students are probably getting pestered by their mom about how they need to figure their life out and change their major to something that’s not philosophy or religious studies. Nothing puts a damper on holidays like being reminded that student loans and unemployment are lurking around the corner as soon as you graduate.

The diet questions

Holidays seem to be the best time of year to get assailed with questions about diet. It’s doubtful that anyone enjoys explaining to their entire family what sort of bodily disasters will happen as a result of gluten consumption for someone who has celiac disease. Additionally, explaining why they don’t eat turkey or why they don’t consume dairy gets old for those who are vegan, vegetarian, lactose intolerant or lactose sensitive as well. Seriously, let them eat in peace.

Masen Matthews can be reached at arg-arts@uidaho.edu

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