One in six American women and one in 33 American men have been the victim of either attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. We live in the 21st century, during a time when statistics this astonishing shouldn’t exist. But they do. And it starts with the culture we live in which subtly promotes rape by not discouraging it. Here are five tips for men and women who want to take a stand toward preventing sexual violence in our country.
1. Say something
When you are in a group of people and one of them makes a joke that is out of line, say something. Don’t let that “Oh, I gotta get me a drunk girl tonight!” go unchallenged. It’s pretty easy to step up and respond with something like “Not cool. That’s called rape.” Saying nothing in the face of statements or “jokes” that undermine consent and responsibility is the same as being complicit in them.
2. Talk about consent
Make it a point to insert discussions about consent whenever the topic of sex comes up with friends. Let’s face it, we’re all college students and sex is always a hot topic of to discussion. When it does come up, point out that consent is sexy and that it’s important to get an enthusiastic “yes” from a partner before continuing. And most importantly, that it’s impossible for someone who is under the influence to give proper consent.
3. Expose perpetrators
If you know of someone who has had non-consensual sex — even if it wasn’t intentional — call them out on it. Sit down and have a discussion about the issue and inform them of what consent is, and how they violated the rules of consent. If you know of someone who is a repeat offender, kick them off the proverbial island. It’s important to make those around you — men and women alike — aware of someone who consistently engages in nonconsensual sexual activity and commits sexual violence against another person. It’s important to promote a culture that makes it known that we as a community do not and will not be silent in the face of sexual violence.
4. Transform masculinity
A lot of the rape culture in our society stems from the ingrained idea that men are supposed to take what they want and women are supposed to be taken. That men are the sexual aggressors and women are the sexually submissive. Turn those dangerous stereotypes on their head and become the kind of man who respects women as people, not sexual objects. Be the kind of man who realizes sexual consent is 100 percent black and white. If you are confused about whether a lady is into you or not — ask. If you aren’t sure whether to proceed with things — ask. If you don’t get a “yes,” stop and reconsider what you are doing. Don’t be the kind of man who blunders forward in the face of less-than-enthusiastic responses from women thinking they are somehow programmed to be demure in the expression of their sexuality.
5. Step in
If you see a person in a situation that looks sketchy, even if it’s someone you don’t know — step in and help. If that guy is getting cozy with a very drunk girl, step in and get her a cab. If you see someone looking unsure or uncomfortable in a situation, take control and remove them. The most important thing we can do as bystanders is recognize when something is headed in the wrong direction and take action. It might be awkward and you might be wrong. But you at least checked it out and did your part.
Kaitlin Moroney can be reached at [email protected]