Who would have thought thousands of years later, Aristotle’s advice on relationships would be so relevant to us today? His speculations from more than 2000 years ago are found true in today’s music videos, movies, and personal lives. Just two years ago the song, “F**k You” by Cee Lo Green was released. In this song, Green tells his ex-girlfriend “I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough … she’s a gold digger.” He was simply singing about the reality of a relationship of utility, where the girlfriend was with him only because she was receiving a “good” from him and not because she cared about him as a person.
Aristotle explains in “Nichomachean Ethics” that the friendship of utility is the weakest and most immature form of friendship there is. He says that as soon as the “goods” stop in the relationship, the relationship too will end.
We see in Cee Lo Green’s song this understanding again from the part when he sings, “And if I was richer I’d still be with ya…” This friendship is one that is easily dissolved when the cause of the friendship is taken away too. No more money, no more time for you.
This is not always a bad kind of relationship, as there are situations where this is necessary. We engage in these relationships for school projects or certain jobs, but these partnering experiences do not last longer than the project itself — unless it develops into a deeper friendship.
Although it is fine in the previous kinds of relationships, this would not be a healthy relationship to build with your significant other, unless you do not mind it ending shortly.
Did you notice in “F**k You” that after Green acknowledged being used by the girl he repeatedly sang “I love you, I still love you?”
It is crazy that he would still want her, yet this can be the reality for many people. He most likely still holds this view of her, conflicted with anger and sadness, because he invested a lot of himself into the relationship.
Before you invest yourself in a relationship and pay the price obsessing over someone who really does not care for you at all — been there done that — make sure you get to know the person for who they are before you give yourself physically and emotionally. Make sure that when you are working hard to provide things and engaging in intimate acts with the other that you know he or she is not doing it merely for personal pleasure or one-sided gain.
How can you be sure you are not in a relationship of utility? Besides obvious factors of you paying for everything, you can also speculate into whether he or she is using you for sexual pleasure, to make an ex jealous, or “just because.” Set boundaries beforehand and see if he or she is still there even after not getting any of the goods they’re seeking. Take note of whether the person cares to learn more about who you are.
Casey Dail can be reached at [email protected]