Good relationships need strong foundations, trust, to thrive
Which of the following two relationships have a stronger foundation? You meet at a party, attraction draws you in, and you hook up that night. Or, you have been friends for five months, getting to know each other and he or she finally asks if you would like to start dating.
Maybe the better question to ask is which couple knows the other better in their hopes, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses?
If the answer is not as obvious to you as it may be to some, we can ask ourselves a question to find the answer. Imagine if you are the couple who met at the party, and the relationship is basically confined to sex buddies.
Sure, you have conversations, and you now know their first and last name and favorite things, but the driving force in the relationship is only the physical intimacy. What is going to keep you together when things get tough?
Now imagine you are the couple in the second situation.You know the person beyond name, major in school and favorite movie. You have an understanding and appreciation for their goals in life, and you may even hold similar goals. You know that when you both are working toward those same goals, you can rely on support from the other to strive through the tough times that will surely set up camp in your life. You know that when your weaknesses peak, the other person will not run.
We know which relationship out of those two is built on a stronger foundation. Then why do we sell ourselves short so often by taking part in short-term hookups? I believe it is because we desire a connection and will do anything to attain it.
My priest spoke about the importance of a strong foundation for everything you do as being as valuable as architects believe it to be. If we want a strong building built to last, then take a look at its foundation. What is your relationship built on?
Aristotle discussed the three kinds of relationships thousands of years ago which still are very relevant to us today. You will be able to use them to speculate on your own relationships with friends, family and significant others.
The three friendships are: friendship of pleasure, utility and virtue. Friendship of pleasure is one built on fun times you have together but stops once things become too difficult. Friendship of utility is built on the material goods one receives from the other but discontinues once the materials stop rolling in. Friendship of virtue is based upon a common good you two offer each other, and is the strongest of the three.
Think about that as we dive deeper into what each friendship is. Which would you want yours to be based upon?
Casey Dail can be reached at [email protected]