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Dear Chris,
There has often been debate regarding an individual’s virginity. I have heard a person can do different sexual acts while still being a virgin. So, my question for you is, what actually defines losing your virginity?
— Sexually Pure?
Dear Sexually Pure,
Virginity is an interesting subject. Everyone has his or her own views on how it is kept, and then there is the concept of “re-virgining.” If you have committed a sexual act making you question your virginity, chances are you have lost it.
First, let me make it very clear you should not be in any sort of rush to lose your virginity. It is one of the few things you have complete control over, and giving it to someone should not be taken lightly. Consideration of mental and emotional maturity and readiness (both yours and your partner’s) needs to be given. If you do not feel you are at a point in your life when you want to give another person your virginity, then do not.
Now, let me deal with the question you have posed. It is somewhat tricky because there is some slight variation depending the on the sex being had.
Quite often during sex between a male and a female, it is thought virginity is lost (for the female) with the breaking of the hymen (a thin membrane found in a virgin woman’s vagina). That is a great theory until it is taken into account that various activities can break a hymen (horseback riding, for example). I would not consider a young girl having lost her virginity due to horseback riding.
The other problem with this theory is it suggests the only form of “true” sexual activity is penetration. Oral and manual sex are still considered sex, and engaging in those activities with another person would call virginity into question. Also, think about what would qualify as a man’s virginity in this case. Can receiving oral sex but avoiding vaginal sex still classify him as a virgin? He has still received sexual pleasure and, presumably, climaxed.
Other sexual aspects need consideration. Sex between two females does not necessarily have to involve penetration but is still sex. Thus, two females having sex would no longer be virgins. On the other hand, sex between two men can involve penetration, but there is no hymen. The lack of this membrane cannot be related to virginity in this situation.
Ultimately, the bottom line is, virginity is the lack of engaging in sexual activities or having sexual experience. Therefore, any type of activity, whether it be penetration, oral or manual, is still a sexual one in essence.
As a final note, I urge you to think strongly about your virginity and what it means to you. Once you have given it to someone, you will never get it back.
I know there are various beliefs stating virginity can be reclaimed. While I am willing to agree on an emotional level, I am not willing to agree on a biological level. If a disease was contracted during prior sexual activity, it is not going to go away. While mentally and emotionally you may be a virgin again, the herpes is still there.
Have fun, be safe and consider your virginity.
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