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Give me Sa-moa
This is the week of fabulousness: Not only was it the first day of spring Thursday, but today marks the beginning of Girl Scout cookie sales. As a former Girl Scout (I made it to Junior) and cookie fanatic, I must insist that everyone buys cookies from every Girl Scout you see. Even if you don’t like them, buy them and you can give them to me.
— Savannah
Fat mints
I have never seen anyone eat just one Thin Mint cookie. It’s impossible. Can’t be done. I can’t do it, that’s for sure. I get that first sleeve of cookies open and I tell myself, “Only one today, you fat tub of fat.”
It takes less than a day for me to eat an entire box.
— T.J.
Get back
I’ll be the one to say it. Girl Scout cookies suck. I know it’s for a good cause — little money grubbers out in cute green outfits and pig tails — but they’re just not as good as everyone makes them out to be. I hate this time of year. They all sit outside of every store I want to go into … waiting, lurking, ready to pounce. They are the wildcats stalking their prey; I am the innocent just-want-to-buy-some-freaking-Band-Aids-at-Winco bystander. Leave me be, Girl Scouts. I don’t want your stinking cookies.
— Christina L.
Former cookie girl
Some people might find this shocking, but I was once a Girl Scout and cookie time was my favorite time of year. I loved selling them, but mostly I liked eating them. I may be small, but I can eat an entire box of cookies in about an hour. Seriously.
— Ryli
New swag
I’ve been at The Argonaut for three years, and I’ve received a lot of free crap in that time. The tobacco flavored mints were some of my favorites, as was the book of penis drawings from “Superbad”. This week, however, I received the swag to rule them all — Harun Yahya’s “Atlas of Creation Vol. 3.”
It is a beast of a book — 12x18 inches, 850 pages and about 15 pounds — dedicated entirely to explaining why evolution is a lie that caused the Holocaust, the KKK and every other dark chapter in human history. As revolting as this book is, I’m fascinated that someone actually sat down and wrote it, had it published and mailed The Argonaut four copies. Could it get any better? A pallet of Samoa’s aside, no.
— Alec
Close, but no cookie
The closest I ever came to being in the Girl Scouts was the infamous movie “Troop Beverly Hills” with Shelley Long. A Beverly Hills mom, convinced that she is more than a purchasing machine, decides to lead her daughter’s troop. She teaches the troop about picking diamonds, takes them camping in the Beverly Hills Hotel and gives patches based on their shopping habbits. They sold cookies out in front of a local gym. Moscow Girl Scouts take notice.
— Alexis
The real thing is best
There is nothing tastier than Girl Scout Samoas. Wal-Mart has Samoa ice cream, but after digging through the carton in search of cookies, I realized there is no substitution for the real thing.
— Christina N.
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