The University of Idaho Argonaut

Dear Chris,
I was just diagnosed with chlamydia yesterday but I don’t know if I was infected by my ex-boyfriend or my new one. My relationship with my ex has been over since October and now I have been with my new one since December. The milky colored discharge, some weird cramps, and irregular periods, I’ve been having started before I was with my new boyfriend … I had a surgery in January and after that I started complaining about an abdominal pain and I thought it was due to the surgery. But then I went to see my OB/GYN and she diagnosed me with chlamydia.
I don’t know what to do. I wish I could find out who I got infected from but I’m afraid to ask my new boyfriend. Please help me. I don’t know if the symptoms I had before were because I got infected by my ex. I don’t know.
Sincerely,
Unsure

Dear Unsure,
The positive aspect to this story is that you have been diagnosed and, I assume, treated. The longer a sexually transmitted disease goes untreated, the worse it becomes and the more damage it does to your body.
Now, moving on to your question as to who might have infected you and what to do. Based on the timeline you presented I am going to make the assumption that you were infected by your ex. Chlamydia has different signs and symptoms in men and women, or may show no symptoms at all so it is possible he was unaware of his infected status. I am not an investigator so I cannot pinpoint him as the infecting partner, but the ex is the one I would put my money on.

As far as what to do, you really do not have a lot of options. The first thing you have to do, which I hope you already have, is get yourself treated. The next thing you get to do is have a conversation with your ex-boyfriend. Hopefully you ended your relationship on good terms because now you have to get in touch with him. He needs to be informed of your infection so that he can get tested and treated if necessary. Be careful with how you have this conversation. Avoid such statements such as, “You infected me with chlamydia …now you should get tested” and try statements such as, “I was recently diagnosed with chlamydia and I think you should get tested just to be safe.”

Next you have an even more “fun” task. I understand your fear, but you need to talk to your current boyfriend. I realize it is very scary and intimidating to have such a conversation, especially in a relatively new relationship. You are still trying to get to know each other and this type of news may be a bit too much stress on that process. However, if you are having sex with your new boyfriend, or have had sex before your diagnosis, there is a chance he has been infected as well. This adds even more problems because if you do not have this conversation and he has become infected, you have a high chance of entering into a circle of infection. Basically, you infect him, he re-infects you, so on and so forth. Your best bet is to have a chat, both of you get tested and treated if necessary and then go from there. It is better to have a difficult discussion resulting in disease-free sex than to avoid the conversation and be constantly infected with chlamydia.
Also, remember that your health is incredibly important. If it means you have to be single in order to be sure you are disease free, then you need to be single.

Have fun, be safe, and good luck.

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Chris Bidiman is a junior studying School and Community Health and a Safer Sex Outreach speaker.