Horoscopes: Feb. 5, 2016 02.04.2016

Aquarius 1/20-2/18 You’re feeling confident that your team is going to win the Super Bowl, but be wary of getting your hopes up too high — the higher they are, the more it hurts when you lose all the bets you made. Pisces 2/19-3/20 You may have taken the battery out, but the fire alarm

Horoscopes: Jan. 28, 2016 01.28.2016

Aquarius 1/20-2/18 Did you walk into a huge pile of mud on your way to class and ruin your nice shoes? Maybe it’s time you admit you need to get some rain boots. Pisces 2/19-3/20 Your room probably feels like it needs a change. A poster or plant would help you liven up the place.

Horoscopes: Jan. 22, 2016 01.21.2016

Aquarius 1/20-2/18 You may still be wondering if you actually turned in that last bit of homework before break … The stars say go back to blissfully napping and worry about it later. Pisces 2/19-3/20 Before investing in this semester’s textbooks, it is time to get rid of last semester’s. So, get online and start

Horoscopes: Jan. 15, 2016 01.14.2016

Capricorn 12/22-1/19 Time to party like it’s your birthday. You’ll either celebrate with family and hometown friends or here with your fellow Vandals, but it will be memorable no matter where you are. Aquarius 1/20-2/18 Last semester might not have been filled with your proudest moments, so a new beginning is just what you need.

Horoscopes: Dec. 10, 2015 12.10.2015

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 You get to look forward to have your annual “Do I birthday party or squeeze in a bit more studying for finals?” struggle this week. Capricorn 12/22-1/19 Put all that ambition to work and those finals will go well for you. Or not because you know, finals are hard. Aquarius 1/20-2/18 You see

Horoscopes: Nov. 12, 2015 11.12.2015

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Don’t worry, your immune system will catch up one of these days. Until then, just keep looking forward to all the mashed potatoes and gravy you’ll get to eat during Thanksgiving. Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 You should definitely start paying your friend for all their helpful style advice. You’re looking great this week and it’s

Horoscopes: Nov. 5, 2015 11.05.2015

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Schoolwork has been hard to understand lately, almost like a foreign language. Which should serve to remind you — Spanish would be easier if you actually went to class. Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 The stars are arranged in your favor this week. And by that we mean the mirror you break will bring only six

Horoscopes: Oct. 30 10.29.2015

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 This Halloween, you are destined for greatness. And by greatness I mean you’ll find yourself hanging around the snack table at the party you attend. Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 Blasting “Lamb of God” while you drive around in your Michael Myers mask is terrifying the locals and you need to stop. Capricorn 12/22-1/19 Your Halloween

Horoscopes: Oct. 22 10.22.2015

Libra 9/23-10/22 It’s the end of your month. Look back and see how much time you wasted partying for your birthday. Hopefully you can pull that midterm grade up, Libra. Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Scorpio, it’s time to take a break from being so uptight. Follow Libra’s example. At least you were focused before midterms and now

Horoscopes: Oct. 16 10.15.2015

Libra 9/23-10/22 The love of your life is in Moscow this week. Moscow, Russia, that is … So, book a redeye and get a move on. Scorpio 10/23-11/21 If you feel like you are being followed but don’t know why, it might be that squirrel you kicked a rock at last week, and he is

Horoscopes: Oct. 8 10.08.2015

Libra 9/23-10/22 Fear is your enemy and you must slice it down. Whether it be heights, spiders, horror movies or talking to people, go out of your way to face the problem head on. Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Have you seen that pair of shoes? Yes, they are amazing, but this week is not the time to

Horoscopes — Oct. 2 10.01.2015

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22 — Feeling more stressed out than usual? The pressure of the school year is probably starting to get to you. Take five minutes to put the book down, take a deep breath and enjoy the fresh fall air — it will do you wonders. Libra 9/23 – 10/22 Now is not the

Horoscopes — Sept. 25 09.24.2015

Libra 9/23-10/22 Not sure if you want to upgrade to the newest iPhone 6s? Take a good look at your bank account and consider if you really want it to be a few hundred dollars lighter for those new “different” upgrades. Scorpio 10/23-11/21 You’re having a hard time in one of your classes this semester. Try setting aside time

Horoscopes: 9/18 09.18.2015

Virgo 8/23-9/22 — You are bound to inspire others through your upcoming appearances on billboards in the region. Whether or not these billboards are for the meth project, I cannot divulge. Libra 9/23-10/22 — An icy silence on your part is vital this week, seeing as an instance involving your jaw meeting a desktop will render you unable to speak and your

horoscopes 9.11.15 09.15.2015

Virgo 8/23-9/22 This is your week to shine Virgo. Seriously though, the sun tan you worked so hard on this summer is faded away and you look almost clear in the sunlight. Buy some cheap sunglasses for people who walk past. Libra 9/23-10/22   Quit being a grouchy curmudgeon. Just because the world isn’t focused

Horoscopes — Sept. 4 09.04.2015

Virgo 8/23-9/22 — You’ll get to know Moscow better this week. This is the silver lining, considering your car will break down on the outskirts of town and you’ll be hiking your way back to campus.  Libra 9/23-10/22 — Your 8 a.m. professor is really not that intense, you just aren’t drinking enough coffee. Hit

Horoscopes 09.04.2015

Virgo 8/23-9/22 – Sick of always saying “yes” for fear of disappointing others? Now is the time to stop. Take a breath and do something for yourself — take a long drive, or watch an entire season of Netflix in a single weekend. Something like that. Libra 9/23-10/22 – Be open to the advice others

Horoscopes 09.04.2015

Virgo 8/23-9/22 – Amidst the “Welcome Back!” fliers and continuous syllabi overviews, you might be feeling the back-to-school blues. Take some time for yourself this week and explore. Summer may be over, but adventures are a year-round affair. Libra 9/23-10/22 – This week will bring great and sudden changes, but these changes may not be

Horoscopes 07.21.2015

Cancer Quit being so crabby. Everyone is just trying to wish you the best. It may not be your month anymore, but Leo’s month of fame is short lived too. The person you should really be mad at is Virgo. But they will be too focused on cleaning and packing to notice. We can throw

Horoscopes 07.07.2015

Gemini Yes, going out with your friends every night is fun and so easy to do during the summer. But, the summer also offers a good opportunity to form an actual life plan if you just set aside a few hours for it.

Horoscopes 06.23.2015

Capricorn Life can be a bit overwhelming. Know that you have a support system and people who can help you out.

Horoscopes 06.09.2015

Gemini 5/21-6/20 Congratulations, your life is perfect at the moment. Hug everyone you see so your luck rubs off on others.

Horoscopes 05.27.2015

Gemini (May 21 June 20) Your life has been a mess. Now is the time to start dating a janitor to clean yourself up.

Horoscopes 5.8.15 05.08.2015

Taurus 4/20-5/20 Embrace the force. Drink the beer.

Horoscopes 5.1.15 04.30.2015

Taurus 4/20-5/20 The good news is that when the asteroid hits, you will be safe and sound in a secret underground bunker stocked with a lifetime supply of Swedish Fish. The bad news is there will be no Netflix, so you will probably still die.