Horoscopes: April 29, 2016 04.28.2016

Taurus 4/20-5/20 It’s that time of the semester where book reports are due in almost every class. Remember, an entire history essay built around the theme of the “Harry Potter” series probably won’t fly, but it never hurts to try. Gemini 5/21-6/21 Summer is inching closer and closer. It might be time to look under

Horoscopes: April 22, 2016 04.21.2016

Taurus 4/20-5/20 Taurus, your zodiac sign is shared with the three most important Brits in the world — Queen Elizabeth, Adele and David Beckham. Your calling must be royalty and riches. Gemini 5/21-6/21 Your obsession over cat memes has become too obsessive lately. Maybe it is time to switch to obsessing over homework instead. Cancer

Horoscopes: April 15, 2016 04.14.2016

Aries 3/21-4/19 With Mom in town, it must feel like Christmas. All the free food and new Vandal gear, but Aries, maybe buy your mom dinner one day, huh? Spread the love, or whatever. Taurus 4/20-5/20 Taurus was looking forward to Moms’ Weekend, but had to go out into the wilderness because of work. No

Horoscopes: March 31, 2016 03.31.2016

Aries 3/21-4/19    Someone replaced all of your pencils in your pencil bag with quills and ink wells that leaked all over your bag. Buy a new bag and a fingerprint dusting kit. Analyze the fingerprints, look for anomalies, cross-reference the anomalies with the police database, by quills and ink wells. Take revenge. Taurus 4/20-5/20

Horoscopes: March 24, 2016 03.24.2016

Aries 3/21-4/19    Remember last week when you walked up to the fourth floor of the library and you had to stop at the top to catch your breath? Get to the gym and by the end of the semester  and those library stairs will be beneath you. Taurus 4/20-5/20 Luck is with you this

Horoscopes: March 4, 2016 03.03.2016

Pisces 2/19-3/20 Noticing a strange smell in your room? It may be that popcorn that you made last week, which still hasn’t been taken out of the microwave. The good news is, you now have a quick snack. Aries 3/21-4/19     It is time to begin apartment hunting and that just means stress and

Horoscopes: Feb. 26, 2016 02.25.2016

Pisces 2/19-3/20 Still have no plans for Spring Break? Just Photoshop yourself into one of the Kardashian’s Instagram photos and everyone will think that you had the best vacation ever. Aries 3/21-4/19     Don’t worry Aries, the One Direction hiatus won’t last forever. Until then, it is OK to sob into your collection of

Horoscopes: Feb. 24, 2016 02.18.2016

Pisces 2/19-3/20 Don’t fret Pisces, your car has not been stolen — it is just camouflaged by a thick layer of dirt and mud. Maybe you should consider running it through the carwash. Aries 3/21-4/19     It is wonderful that your New Year resolution of going Vegan is still on track. However, just remember

Horoscopes: Feb. 11, 2016 02.11.2016

Aquarius 1/20-2/18 February is the month to woo, Aquarius. It is also your month, so take Cupid’s heart-tipped arrow and try not to fail at this too. Pisces 2/19-3/20 The perfect date is waiting just around the corner. Apparently fish is the best thing that will show up on the menu, and enjoy the crab.

Horoscopes: Feb. 5, 2016 02.04.2016

Aquarius 1/20-2/18 You’re feeling confident that your team is going to win the Super Bowl, but be wary of getting your hopes up too high — the higher they are, the more it hurts when you lose all the bets you made. Pisces 2/19-3/20 You may have taken the battery out, but the fire alarm

Horoscopes: Jan. 28, 2016 01.28.2016

Aquarius 1/20-2/18 Did you walk into a huge pile of mud on your way to class and ruin your nice shoes? Maybe it’s time you admit you need to get some rain boots. Pisces 2/19-3/20 Your room probably feels like it needs a change. A poster or plant would help you liven up the place.

Horoscopes: Jan. 22, 2016 01.21.2016

Aquarius 1/20-2/18 You may still be wondering if you actually turned in that last bit of homework before break … The stars say go back to blissfully napping and worry about it later. Pisces 2/19-3/20 Before investing in this semester’s textbooks, it is time to get rid of last semester’s. So, get online and start

Horoscopes: Jan. 15, 2016 01.14.2016

Capricorn 12/22-1/19 Time to party like it’s your birthday. You’ll either celebrate with family and hometown friends or here with your fellow Vandals, but it will be memorable no matter where you are. Aquarius 1/20-2/18 Last semester might not have been filled with your proudest moments, so a new beginning is just what you need.

Horoscopes: Dec. 10, 2015 12.10.2015

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 You get to look forward to have your annual “Do I birthday party or squeeze in a bit more studying for finals?” struggle this week. Capricorn 12/22-1/19 Put all that ambition to work and those finals will go well for you. Or not because you know, finals are hard. Aquarius 1/20-2/18 You see

Horoscopes: Nov. 12, 2015 11.12.2015

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Don’t worry, your immune system will catch up one of these days. Until then, just keep looking forward to all the mashed potatoes and gravy you’ll get to eat during Thanksgiving. Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 You should definitely start paying your friend for all their helpful style advice. You’re looking great this week and it’s

Horoscopes: Nov. 5, 2015 11.05.2015

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Schoolwork has been hard to understand lately, almost like a foreign language. Which should serve to remind you — Spanish would be easier if you actually went to class. Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 The stars are arranged in your favor this week. And by that we mean the mirror you break will bring only six

Horoscopes: Oct. 30 10.29.2015

Scorpio 10/23-11/21 This Halloween, you are destined for greatness. And by greatness I mean you’ll find yourself hanging around the snack table at the party you attend. Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 Blasting “Lamb of God” while you drive around in your Michael Myers mask is terrifying the locals and you need to stop. Capricorn 12/22-1/19 Your Halloween

Horoscopes: Oct. 22 10.22.2015

Libra 9/23-10/22 It’s the end of your month. Look back and see how much time you wasted partying for your birthday. Hopefully you can pull that midterm grade up, Libra. Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Scorpio, it’s time to take a break from being so uptight. Follow Libra’s example. At least you were focused before midterms and now

Horoscopes: Oct. 16 10.15.2015

Libra 9/23-10/22 The love of your life is in Moscow this week. Moscow, Russia, that is … So, book a redeye and get a move on. Scorpio 10/23-11/21 If you feel like you are being followed but don’t know why, it might be that squirrel you kicked a rock at last week, and he is

Horoscopes: Oct. 8 10.08.2015

Libra 9/23-10/22 Fear is your enemy and you must slice it down. Whether it be heights, spiders, horror movies or talking to people, go out of your way to face the problem head on. Scorpio 10/23-11/21 Have you seen that pair of shoes? Yes, they are amazing, but this week is not the time to

Horoscopes — Oct. 2 10.01.2015

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22 — Feeling more stressed out than usual? The pressure of the school year is probably starting to get to you. Take five minutes to put the book down, take a deep breath and enjoy the fresh fall air — it will do you wonders. Libra 9/23 – 10/22 Now is not the

Horoscopes — Sept. 25 09.24.2015

Libra 9/23-10/22 Not sure if you want to upgrade to the newest iPhone 6s? Take a good look at your bank account and consider if you really want it to be a few hundred dollars lighter for those new “different” upgrades. Scorpio 10/23-11/21 You’re having a hard time in one of your classes this semester. Try setting aside time

Horoscopes: 9/18 09.18.2015

Virgo 8/23-9/22 — You are bound to inspire others through your upcoming appearances on billboards in the region. Whether or not these billboards are for the meth project, I cannot divulge. Libra 9/23-10/22 — An icy silence on your part is vital this week, seeing as an instance involving your jaw meeting a desktop will render you unable to speak and your

horoscopes 9.11.15 09.15.2015

Virgo 8/23-9/22 This is your week to shine Virgo. Seriously though, the sun tan you worked so hard on this summer is faded away and you look almost clear in the sunlight. Buy some cheap sunglasses for people who walk past. Libra 9/23-10/22   Quit being a grouchy curmudgeon. Just because the world isn’t focused

Horoscopes — Sept. 4 09.04.2015

Virgo 8/23-9/22 — You’ll get to know Moscow better this week. This is the silver lining, considering your car will break down on the outskirts of town and you’ll be hiking your way back to campus.  Libra 9/23-10/22 — Your 8 a.m. professor is really not that intense, you just aren’t drinking enough coffee. Hit