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Articles in Horoscopes

Horoscopes

02.13.2014 – 10:30 pm |

Aquarius 1/20-2/18
Why is everybody afraid of love? Get on that horse and ride it.

Horoscopes

01.23.2014 – 6:16 pm | 27 Comments

Capricorn 12/22-1/19
Have you smelled your bathroom lately? Your mom won’t clean it for you, so snap on some rubber gloves and get scrubbing. 

scare-o-scopes 10-25-13

10.24.2013 – 10:40 pm |

Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Before you leave the house on Halloween, you’ll want to lock up your cats. The last thing you want is to walk through the threshold of your home in complete darkness, to see beady …

Horoscopes 9-27-13

09.26.2013 – 9:10 pm |

Libra 9/23 – 10/22
Take a wacky picture this week and put it on Facebook. After all, the worst thing that can happen is that you become the next hot Internet meme. 

horoscopes — Aug. 30, 2013

08.29.2013 – 10:03 pm |

Virgo
8/23 – 9/22
Change is good. Freshen up your daily Tumblr routine with a splash of Pinterest, a pinch of Tapiture and maybe some Pandora. Or you can just go outside or something.

Horoscopes

08.22.2013 – 10:46 pm |

Virgo
8/23 – 9/22
Try listening a little bit better. Things may work out in your favor.

Horoscopes 06.09.13

07.09.2013 – 7:46 pm |

Cancer
6/22 -  7/22
Go to the library and pick out a book this week. You could use some literary entertainment.

Horoscopes

06.25.2013 – 8:26 pm |

Cancer 6/21 – 7/22
Summer tends to get boring after a couple weeks of free time, fill that time by making future plans to travel abroad.

Horoscopes 06.12.2013

06.11.2013 – 7:46 pm |

Gemini — 5/21 – 6/20
You will get some bad news this week. When you do, remember that ice cream and time heal all wounds.

horoscopes

05.30.2013 – 4:35 pm |

Gemini — 5/21 – 6/20
Take some time to do what YOU want. Sit in the dark watching all six Star Wars films in a row if you want. Go on ten dates in ten days …

horoscopes

05.02.2013 – 1:26 pm |

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20
You finished your finals before dead week was even over. Do your best not to distract the friends who do still have hell week ahead.
Gemini
5/21 – 6/20
The Moscow grind has made it …

meow-scopes

04.25.2013 – 9:01 pm |

Aries
3/21 – 4/19
You are always getting into things. Things you shouldn’t be in. Be more cautious. Nine lives go fast when you’re careless and don’t watch out for what’s best for you.

horoscopes

04.18.2013 – 3:25 pm |

Aries 3/21 – 4/19 
You will have an opportunity for intergalactic hitchhiking this week so don’t forget your towel.

horoscopes

03.28.2013 – 3:49 pm |

Aries 3/21 – 4/19 
Your new culinary perfection? Two marshmallow Peeps in the microwave on high for 12 seconds. No more, no less.

horoscopes

03.21.2013 – 4:10 pm |

Aries 3/21 – 4/19 
In order to save money for next month’s rent, walk to class everyday this week and take that attempt at home cooked meals you’ve been pondering.
Taurus
4/20 – 5/20 
It’s been a rough, stress-filled …

horoscopes

02.14.2013 – 1:56 pm |

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18 
Sunshine in Moscow is like a rare gem these days. So take time to go outside and soak it in when it shines.

horoscopes

02.07.2013 – 5:26 pm |

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18 
Be an anti-Cupid this year. Go around with a Nerf blaster toy bow-and-arrow and shoot all the couples who publically adore each other. Just don’t get caught.

horoscopes

01.31.2013 – 12:41 pm |

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18 
Just when you thought winter was over, Mother Nature goes and dumps 15 inches of snow on Moscow. It’s time to get those snow tires on. 

horoscopes

01.24.2013 – 2:04 pm |

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18 
A new semester brings old annoyances, such as pilfered parking spaces. A pro-tip for vengeful pedestrians: freshly snapped windshield wipers make a decent walking stick.

horoscopes

01.17.2013 – 12:34 pm |

Capricorn 12/22 – 1/19 
Sleeping in ‘til 3 p.m. may sound like a good idea on the weekend, but you will regret it come Monday, during your 8 a.m. class.

horoscopes

12.06.2012 – 3:05 pm |

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21 
You’re going to want to shoot for the stars this weekend.

horoscopes

11.29.2012 – 4:05 pm |

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21 

Finals are right around the corner. It’s time to stop watching full seasons of Breaking Bad in one night, and time to start studying. You’re almost done with the semester, you can …

horoscopes

11.08.2012 – 3:15 pm |

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21 
We all know you’ve been listening to T-swizzle nonstop. Give it a rest — you’re still not getting back together. Ever, ever, ever.
 

horoscopes

11.01.2012 – 1:21 pm |

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21 
Thanksgiving vacation is almost here. If only you could stop day-dreaming about gravy and pie.

‘horror’scopes

10.24.2012 – 4:27 pm |

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21 
The cold weather is freezing your toes. Watch your step, as a scraped knee may lead to a vampire’s slip-up. Yum.

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