Articles in Horoscopes
Horoscopes 06.12.2013
Gemini — 5/21 – 6/20
You will get some bad news this week. When you do, remember that ice cream and time heal all wounds.
horoscopes
Gemini — 5/21 – 6/20
Take some time to do what YOU want. Sit in the dark watching all six Star Wars films in a row if you want. Go on ten dates in ten days …
horoscopes
Taurus 4/20 – 5/20
You finished your finals before dead week was even over. Do your best not to distract the friends who do still have hell week ahead.
Gemini
5/21 – 6/20
The Moscow grind has made it …
meow-scopes
Aries
3/21 – 4/19
You are always getting into things. Things you shouldn’t be in. Be more cautious. Nine lives go fast when you’re careless and don’t watch out for what’s best for you.
horoscopes
Aries 3/21 – 4/19
You will have an opportunity for intergalactic hitchhiking this week so don’t forget your towel.
horoscopes
Aries 3/21 – 4/19
Your new culinary perfection? Two marshmallow Peeps in the microwave on high for 12 seconds. No more, no less.
horoscopes
Aries 3/21 – 4/19
In order to save money for next month’s rent, walk to class everyday this week and take that attempt at home cooked meals you’ve been pondering.
Taurus
4/20 – 5/20
It’s been a rough, stress-filled …
horoscopes
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Sunshine in Moscow is like a rare gem these days. So take time to go outside and soak it in when it shines.
horoscopes
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Be an anti-Cupid this year. Go around with a Nerf blaster toy bow-and-arrow and shoot all the couples who publically adore each other. Just don’t get caught.
horoscopes
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
Just when you thought winter was over, Mother Nature goes and dumps 15 inches of snow on Moscow. It’s time to get those snow tires on.
horoscopes
Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18
A new semester brings old annoyances, such as pilfered parking spaces. A pro-tip for vengeful pedestrians: freshly snapped windshield wipers make a decent walking stick.
horoscopes
Capricorn 12/22 – 1/19
Sleeping in ‘til 3 p.m. may sound like a good idea on the weekend, but you will regret it come Monday, during your 8 a.m. class.
horoscopes
Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21
Finals are right around the corner. It’s time to stop watching full seasons of Breaking Bad in one night, and time to start studying. You’re almost done with the semester, you can …
horoscopes
Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21
We all know you’ve been listening to T-swizzle nonstop. Give it a rest — you’re still not getting back together. Ever, ever, ever.
horoscopes
Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21
Thanksgiving vacation is almost here. If only you could stop day-dreaming about gravy and pie.
‘horror’scopes
Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21
The cold weather is freezing your toes. Watch your step, as a scraped knee may lead to a vampire’s slip-up. Yum.
Horoscopes
Libra 9/23 – 10/22
Take the fifth word from Sagittarius, the 10th word in the first sentence from Leo, the 12th word minus -ful from Virgo, the third word from Taurus, the first word of the …
horoscopes
Libra 9/23 – 10/22
Buy all the gummy candy you can get your hands on, because your birthday month is about to get crazy.
horoscopes
Libra 9/23 – 10/22
Does your grandmother still bake you your favorite cookies and knit you warm sweaters with love in every stitch? It may seem embarrassing now that you’re a college student, but you should …
Horoscopes
Virgo 8/23 – 9/22
There are too many freshmen, too much homework, not enough sleep. You deserve a lollipop.
Horoscopes
Virgo
8/23 – 9/22
There is such a thing as “too organized.” Relax and enjoy the weekend. Clean the house later.
Horoscopes
Virgo 8/23 – 9/22
Flow with the energy of the universe this week to smoothen your transition into the fall. Failing that, drink a lot of coffee. It will make all your movements smoother.
Horoscopes
Leo 7/23 – 8/22
Ain’t no river wide enough, ain’t no valley low enough, ain’t no mountain high enough to keep you from breaking the law this week.
