He wished he’d died with his wife.
Jonathan curled up in bed and did what he had done almost every night for the past five years — he reminisced about his wife’s death. He sorely missed Jean, and he hated himself for his choices.
Genie Tran I Rawr
Jonathan remembered what happened vividly. He knew the spot where she died too well, as they both had driven the route a million times. It was an incline that was part of an old road he and Jean traveled often as a shortcut to the main highway. It was the quickest way to the city and to work. The incline was the most dangerous part of the road — narrow, windy and steep, with a cliff face on one side and an open precipice on the other. One wrong move could send a vehicle over the precipice and into the river below. It always made Jonathan a bit nervous.
“Why did she take that road?” Jonathan thought as he lay in bed, tears swelling in his eyes. “She should have taken the other route. I should have told her to stay. Stupid!”
They had been arguing when she decided she needed to go for a drive and cool off. An abundance of fresh snow covered the ground — wet and disgusting slush.
Jonathan’s stomach turned inside out when the police told him about the crash the next day. He didn’t believe it at first and thought perhaps she’d come home safe and sound only a few hours later. She never showed.
Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. Jonathan couldn’t stop thinking about the accident. Guilt weighed down on his shoulders. He wanted to forget, but he couldn’t. All the doctors, all the reverends and all the friends in all the world couldn’t help him forget. It was impossible.
He curled up with his pillow and held it tightly. Tears continued to form in his eyes and drip onto the bed. His sobs became uncontrollable. As often as he thought about the incident and Jean, the pain hadn’t lessened over time. It simply remained, like a sickness his body couldn’t fight.
He would dream of her. She would be sinking into an abyss and he’d try to reach her, but his efforts were always in vain. She would disappear into blackness and he would be left alone, cold and afraid. He wanted to hold her, to embrace her with all his strength and never let go.
He wished he’d died with her.
The next morning, he put on a suit, had his breakfast and headed to work. Outside, everything had been frosted over as winter prepared to rear its ugly head again.
Jonathan avoided the old road and instead took the long route, as he had for five years. He kept his mind off Jean and focused his attention on the radio. He tuned it to the classical station and cranked up the volume. The sweet sound of piano and accompanying strings relieved him of reality for a little while.
Just before reaching the highway, Jonathan saw a little sedan on the side of the road. His heart skipped a beat. The car was in a ditch and it was upside down.
He couldn’t see anybody outside the vehicle. Perhaps they’d gotten out and went to a hospital already?
Images of Jean immediately came to his mind. He turned down the radio and pulled over on the other side of the street.He got out of his car and hurried to the wreckage.
Little streams of smoke escaped from the sedan’s engine bay. Rubble from the car lay scattered in the ditch, with some pieces lying across the road. The car was well-entrenched in the ditch — the back window seemed to be the best way out, but it was still intact. It was a wonder anyone could have gotten out. Perhaps they hadn’t …
Jonathan rushed to the back window. Someone was trapped inside — he could just make out the person’s outline, and it seemed to belong to a woman. He rapped on the window and yelled at them, but they gave no response. His heartbeat increased.
He dialed 911 and got to work getting them out. He found a rock and set to work smashing the back window. The window wasn’t giving way easily and he hit it harder and more frantically until it shattered. His thoughts went to Jean and how she died. Could she have been trapped like this, with no one to help her until it was too late?
He crawled through the vehicle to the person — definitely a woman. Jonathan thanked God she was still breathing and conscious. The woman had a large cut on her head and some bruises on her arms, but otherwise she appeared to be fine.
Jonathan got her out without too much difficulty. He took her to his car and gave her his coat. She said she was fine, just shook up.
Jonathan learned the woman’s name was Tiffany. He thought she couldn’t have been any older than 25. They sat together in his car until the ambulance arrived and took her away. She was going to be all right. And so was he.
Jonathan heaved a sigh of relief. For the first time in a long while, he was glad to still be alive.