It’s not just a cliché — hair is everywhere. Whether it’s your cat rubbing against your favorite black skinny jeans, or your inability to grow even a pubescent fuzzy moustache at the age of 23, hair is a part of our everyday life. Belt the lyrics into your favorite hairbrush and rock out to these follicle-themed tunes.
™Beard Lust∫ by Natlie Portman’s Shaved Head
Regardless that this Seattle band has what is probably the best name ever, this song finally sheds the metaphorical comfort and emotional calm found in the muttonchops, replacing it with full on lusty-lust. Singers Shaun Libman and Luke Smith rock an electronic talk-back: “Look at my facial hair/Oh my man, hot damn, it’s everywhere,” — and it really only gets better from there. Oh, I just got another rhyme. #win
™Strawberry Wine∫ by Deena Carter
It’s one of the most memorable and vivid images in the entire song, heartbroken Carter actually took the time to shave her legs for a romantic evening with a fellow and he turns out not to be a stud, but a dud. Now that’s an epic letdown, at least she still has the wine.
™Girl Anachronism∫ by Amanda Palmer
This outspoken and unique singer-songwriter has the most unique drawn-on eyebrows; sometimes they’re long and looping, other times short and sharp lines framing her hazel eyes. You’ll just have to get on YouTube to understand the incredibly addicting melodic complexities of this song. Just do it. Do it now.
™Achy Breaky Heart∫ by Billy Ray Cyrus
Mullet mullet mullet. He doesn’t actually mention his mullet in the song, but c’mon, you can’t sing this song to yourself without thinking, “business in the front, party in the back.” It’s just the law of the land.
™Why Can’t I Grow a Beard?∫ by The Gay Blades
This song exemplifies a continuing beardy-music theme: the beard as a facial security blanket that is humbling, deeply comforting and exhilarating all at the same time. It may sound odd, but this duo lands some incredible vocal harmonies.
™Long Hair∫ by Mr. Bigg
Truthfully, this song is pretty awful, but really does play up on how good it feels to have some long hair wagging around in the club. He makes it sound real nice.
™You Should Consider Having Sex With a Bearded Man∫ by The Beards
This tune begins with some tasty David Lee Roth/(the only good) Van Halen-era synth, and is actually surprisingly catchy. But, with a band name like The Beards, aren’t they a bit biased about who they think you should be participating in intercourse with?
™Whip My Hair∫ by Willow Smith
The original and ultimate hair song of our generation. Prepare to have this song stuck in your head for eternity, and quite possibly develop a neck cramp from inadvertently whipping your hair back and forth.
Chloe Rambo can be reached at [email protected]