On earth as it is in heaven — Don’t forget about family, relationships in this life
Hi, my name is Kaitlin and someday I’m going to die. When I do, I want to leave behind a world where I’ve been the best person I can be. I want to have more family and friends around me than I can count. I want people to remember me as loving, caring and accepting.
I don’t want to be remembered as a Christian.
I was raised as a Christian my entire young life. And not in the “go to church on major holidays and for an occasional funeral” kind of way. I went to church at least twice a week and my entire family was actively involved in every aspect of church function. I’ve been involved with and attended many churches across the U.S. as my family moved around. I’ve seen it all, and quite frankly I can’t stand the thought of seeing anymore.
The Christian church is so concerned with getting themselves and everyone else they see into heaven, they often do so at the cost of relationships. They are so concerned with eternal life they forget they have an equally, if not more, important life to live here on earth.
A recent Pew Research study found that for the first time in recorded history, Protestants are the minority in this country. At the same time, the number of those who consider themselves religiously unaffiliated is at an all-time high. Why is this?
The Barna Group conducted a research project comprised of eight national studies that assessed the reasons young people such as myself leave the church. One-fifth said, “the church is like a country club, only for insiders,” while another 25 percent said, “Christians demonize everything outside of the church.”
I’ve lost countless friendships and family relationships because I decided I didn’t agree with one or more aspect of Christian theology. I’m the worst kind of non-Christian … a former one. I know the intricacies of Christian theology and I choose to reject it. And I have friends and family who have in turn rejected me because of that.
Which is to say, every single one of those people put their doctrine and dogma before their relationships, and they don’t seem to care one bit. Their treasures are “in heaven,” and so the fact that they might miss out on a few relationships here and there doesn’t seem to bother them.
Let’s do a reverse Pascal’s Wager, a philosophic test that said there is more to be gained from a Christian lifestyle than from an atheistic lifestyle. Let’s say you are a Christian who alienates yourself from people who don’t view the world the same way you do. They might have different religious views, or maybe they just like chocolate cake and you don’t. It doesn’t matter if they are family or close friends, you don’t want to be in a relationship with people who might “lead you astray,” or who “don’t have God in their lives.” You do all of this to keep yourself pure. Keep yourself focused on achieving the ultimate goal as a Christian — eternal life.
Then you die. And none of it turns out to be real. God doesn’t exist. You just turn into worm food. The end.
But you’ve left behind a wake of destroyed relationships, devastated family members and demolished lives. That, then, is the legacy you leave. That is your eternal life and the way you will be remembered among the rest of us.
It makes no sense for Christians to be so exclusive. Why can’t Christians be Christians and also be loving and inclusive of those around them, whether they believe the same or not? Why can’t we focus on developing relationships with people rather than being sure they get to heaven? And if they decide they don’t want to be “saved,” why does that give us the right to suddenly treat them with disdain and ostracize them?
Please, for the love of all that is good, we need to stop focusing on what comes next and start appreciating what we have right now, in this life. There is no need to trample everyone else while on the road to eternity.
Kaitlin Moroney can be reached at arg-opinion@uidaho.edu
Tags: afterlife, carpe diem, religion, yolo
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Hi Kaitlyn,
I appreciate that your article was published in the “opinions” section because it is just that, your opinion. I am sorry that you have had bad experiences with Christianity. What I don’t appreciate is the broad sweeping generalizations that all christians leave broken relationships in their wake. My dad is a pastor and I have chosen to live with my boyfriend and he still accepts me as does the whole church community. My family is friends with gay couples, drug dealers, and my best friend has had a string on one-night-stands a mile long. I take offense that you generalize that all christians are close-minded and destructive because in fact, that is just wrong. Your experience may have shown you otherwise but to me that says you haven’t met the right christians yet.
I’m sorry you had bad experiences but that doesn’t make me a relationship-destroyer.
Leslie
Leslie: You and your family are the exceptions. I have spent many years looking for “the answer” in many different churches and they all do tend to be the same. I would imagine yours is one of the more liberal churches. The kind of church that other “Christians” look down upon such as the United Church of Christ or the Unitarian Church. Very well written Kaitlyn.
Sincerely,
Erin (a 47 year old who has been there…)
Hi Kaitlin!
Great piece and original too! I am also a skeptic and feel that having leaders who focus on this life rather than next is extremely important. Keep up the good work!, and know that you are not alone in these feelings. If you want to find a community that shares some of these beliefs, check out Freethought Moscow, we’re a club on campus.
- Stephen
Interesting piece! It does have a feeling that you are not satisfied with the way many Christians act, and that you want to change them. The only person you can really change is yourself, and that’s how I think when someone treats me in a way I don’t like. I can tell them how I feel, but never try to change them, which is a clear way of saying “I don’t love you how you are”.
My family think I am going to hell, but they still love me. I’m lucky.
Now that is a well written opinion piece. Thank you.
Kaitlin,
I’m sorry you’ve seen hypocrisy run so rampant in church-like settings. I have seen it, too…in fact, it made me not go to church regularly for a few years, cuz I didn’t wanna be associated with that sort of stuff…BUT, I can also say that though you have had a bad taste in your mouth for Christianity, you also have grown up in the church, and know the basic teaching of Jesus is Love. Jesus wasn’t exclusive, He gave everyone a chance- Prostitutes, tax collectors, thieves, smart, dumb, ugly, smelly, beautiful. To Him, we are all equally worth His time and love..I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t write all Christians off, there are many loving everybody JUST the way they are, making relationships that will last a life time.
This article was awesome. Religious folk need to be a little more open minded.
Great writing, however I do agree with Leslie, I have heard all my life how Christians are judgmental, vain, and selfish; but I myself have chosen to remain a Christian because I believe that there is an alternative view to look at. Not only do I (try)and attend church every week but I keep up with my scriptures in between classes and attempt to reach out to others when the moment presents itself. However I would never allow how someone feels or what someone believes to come between us. There might be lifestyles that I do not agree with that might make me not want to make new friends, however isn’t that what being a Christian is all about? Trying to work through that judgement and love one another? I have my flaws but I try to work on them everyday WHILE loving my life here on earth! I am very sorry for how others have treated you, but it sounds like they need more love then usual sent their way.
Response to Kaitlen on an Argonaut article:
Kaitlin, life after death is real, but it is only rewarded to those who have prepared their soul for it. That is, the purpose for living in this mortal life is only to train our souls for life in Heaven. Training your soul is synonymous with doing your best to live a righteous life of loving and caring for one another as you do for yourself. The people who choose to prepare their soul for the afterlife will be granted such life. On the other hand, the people who have chosen to not train their souls for the afterlife will not be granted such life. The reason you die, or in other words live a mortal life, is so that you can die and then leave this mortal life to escape the presence of evil and terror that exists in this mortal life. If you train your soul for Heaven, you will enter Heaven immediately upon dying. In Heaven, all people you see are loving and caring and their prepared souls pledge to never do evil against you. Furthermore, you live a mortal life so that you can leave room on the earth for others to take your space on the earth that you once occupied so that new people can have the chance to prepare their souls for the afterlife, just like you were given the chance when you were born. See you in Heaven, Kaitlen.